In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the Greek father of the bride said of his daughter's betrothed, Ian Miller, that he and his family were like white toast. That came to mind this morning when I heard a talking head on television say that Tim Pawlenty goes out each weekend to paint the town beige. He's a nice guy that has done a great job as Minnesota governor; but that pretty much sums it up. What’s a Republican to do? Where is the sizzle?
In all my days I don’t think I ever seen such an array of white toast Republican candidates. My goodness…even the ones who decided not to run aren’t much better. Consider Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana. I think they had to wake him up to say he wasn’t going to run. He did it by email at midnight on a Saturday night. Governor…Governor…wake up!!!!! He said it was to protect his family…maybe his on again off again on again wife? Hey…she doesn’t have any problems. Maria Shriver…now there is someone with problems. Again, one of Indiana's finest and most successful governors, but a little like a glass of baking soda.
Then there is Mike Huckabee who gave us a big Huckano making his exploratory efforts a big Huckabust. He is the Lawrence Welk of politicians. I kept looking for Joe Feeney and the Lennon Sisters on his television show. And uh one…and uh two…thank you boys. Champagne music anyone?
So who is left? Mitt Romney has his Mormon robes wrapped around his health care legislation in Massachusetts. Seriously, cartoonists are already talking about Romney’s garments. Then there is Ron “let’s legalize heroine” Paul. I actually like the guy and agree with him more than disagree. But let’s get real!!!! There is always Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania. Who? You know…the guy who lost his senate re-election bid by 15 points. Ouch!!
My favorite candidate with no chance in hell of winning is Herman Cain. What a great guy and an absolutely boffo orator. I sure love a good political speech. He is African American and THE Tea Party favorite…you know, the folks that Nancy Pelosi said were just short two eye holes in their sheets. For those of you who don’t know, Herman Cain is African American and the former CEO of Godfather Pizza. He can’t win…but if he did we sure would eat good! There is always a silver lining! Maybe he's not ready for prime time this cycle...but he has potential next time around.
Undeclared but threatening candidates are Sarah Palin (if only she could drop that whiney voice down an octave); Michele Bachmann (another Minnesotan running against her governor - Tim Pawlenty); Representative Paul Ryan (heavy hitter but looks soooo young); and some guy named Huntsman who served as Ambassador to China for Barack and is now back to run for President as a Republican. He must be from Utah because he served as governor...another Mormon? (let’s start with if I don’t know who he is, neither will anybody else notwithstanding his serious gravitas).
The same guy cracking Pawlenty this morning said the solution for the Republicans is to hire Tony Soprano to visit Chris Christie in New Jersey and make him an offer he can’t refuse…then pay a visit to Marco Rubio and tell him he will be VP or find a horse head in his bed.
THAT is who Republicans want. And I predict THAT is who Republicans will get.
1 comment:
A businessman who, while being african-american, chooses to name his struggling pizza joint after the head of the always-entertaining mafia sounds like the perfect dupe to follow in the footsteps of such business icons as GWB. If we don't vote for him we'll all be rubbed out? However, I'm hoping the GOP candidate ends up being Sarah Palin, exposing to the entire universe what a nitwit who couldn't even hack being governor of Alaska and thinks The Flintstones is a documentary which disproves evolution looks like melting down right before our eyes when the subject turns from teen pregnancy, hunting and makeup to anything of substance. The situation kind of reminds me of the democrats in 1972...good luck, you're going to need it.
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